you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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