you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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