I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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