there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
