sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed