how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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