Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.