I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.