I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
