I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
