If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
