Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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