the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
