I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
