i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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