Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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