i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
