I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize