I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love accidental penises.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
