So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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