mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Two words: blizzard sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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