today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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