i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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