his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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