Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
