i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
