I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
