i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
