i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
