I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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