dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
