I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
