dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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