it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
