He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
