Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
