enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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