guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
