he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
