So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
