Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
