it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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