Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
