True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
