she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
