i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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