if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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