You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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