Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
