A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
