I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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