I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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