im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
