Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
