I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
