I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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