So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
