do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize