ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
