Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
