they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
