just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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