If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
