I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
