If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
