I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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