He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
